These past few months have been such a roller coaster ride. I’ve been going through a huge transformational period and haven’t exactly been on my A game with my blog. I’ve been wanting to be more personal and vulnerable with all of you and I think after giving myself time to breathe and re-discover myself, I’m finally ready all over again.
I constantly get so many messages from people asking me for life advice and I always get comments like “Yasmin, how do you deal with certain situations? Your life is so perfect and it seems like nothing ever happens to you because you’re always so happy” Truth is, things happen to me all the time because I’m human just like everyone else. I have emotions and I go through some serious ups and downs sometimes. I am not special or untouchable. I have my bad days and there are moments where I feel so anxious or so sad that I don’t want to do anything but just lay in my bed, but I challenge myself to get up and stay focused on what I have to get done. Growing up, I always thought that being vulnerable or feeling emotions was considered “weak”. That is a terrible misconception. Emotions don’t make you weak, they make you HUMAN. When you’re vulnerable, you open your heart up to so many beautiful possibilities and you allow love to takeover. One thing most people don’t know about me is that I use to be EXTREMELY emotionally unavailable. I feared intimacy. I feared crying in front of people. I feared being vulnerable with another human. I feared allowing someone into my heart and being hurt in the end. I didn’t know how to be there and hold space for another person. I didn’t know how to feel emotions….I would analyze them logically and then just repress them. I would shut out any emotion as soon as I felt it. If something was bothering me, I would brush it off and I would keep brushing it off until it built up and exploded. The only emotion I ever wanted to feel was happiness. If it wasn’t happiness, I didn’t want to feel it. This emotionally detached behavior got in between friendships and relationships and I shortly realized that I couldn’t continue acting this way. I was only going to push people away by acting like this and I needed to make a change.
My past relationships were mirrors. Every relationship you have is a mirror. It’s incredible how you attract people based on what you need to work on and what parts of you need to be healed. So since I was emotionally unavailable, guess what I attracted? That’s right, emotionally unavailable men. Looking back now, I would get so furious with my ex-boyfriends because they didn’t communicate with me or express themselves to me the way I wanted them to…but how were they going to do that If I wasn’t willing to express myself or communicate with them? How can you expect someone to do something when you’re not setting an example of what you want? It took me a while to come to that conclusion and it’s not until recently that I sat down and got real with myself. I checked in with my own toxic habits and behaviors so I don’t repeat these same mistakes with other people and relationships. You can’t change anyone, you can only change yourself. Once you change yourself, you start attracting relationships that mirror who you currently are.
This is one of the biggest lessons that I’ve learned this year and it’s been a crazy year so far…so many emotions involved both good and bad, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I feel like I went through a complete rebirth and I feel so happy with where I am in life right now. I’ve been easy on myself which explains why I haven’t been as active here as I wanted to be but I want to thank you all for keeping up with me and holding space for me. xo