10 things my parents taught me about marriage
Hi loves! So I'm getting into something a little personal for my parents 35th wedding anniversary today and I thought I'd share some really important relationship related lessons that I've learned from them. We all know that relationships ARE NOT easy and they can never be perfect no matter how hard you try. Being in a relationship myself and as I grow older, I realize that they don't get any easier. If anything, they get harder the longer you're with the person. You begin to pick up on their "annoying" little habits and the more you're with the person, the more you have to bicker about. That's all part of the package and as hard as it may be, its extremely worth it in the end. My parents have been married for exactly 35 years and I'm SO blessed and thankful that I was raised seeing them give each other nothing but love, honesty, respect and loyalty. I never once saw my dad cheating or mistreating my mom and vice versa and it's honestly a blessing to be able to say that. Watching my dad not even LOOK at another woman and making my mom, my brother and I his top priorities makes me have super high standards and I learned not to tolerate anything less than that in a man. They never needed to go on fancy dates or exchange expensive gifts to show each other love. Their love is so simple yet so fulfilling, I can only hope I'll be able to experience that with my husband in the future. Even when they did have their fair share of arguments, ignoring each other or breaking up was certainly not an option. I came up with 10 of the top most important things my parents have taught me and I think we can all learn a little something from my favorite couple.
1. CHEATING IS NEVER OKAY
Please note how this is the first thing on the list. One of the main reasons why my parents were able to be together for this long is because cheating was never in their dictionary. I will personally NEVER tolerate that because I respect myself enough to walk away from betrayal. I would also never even think about breaking my partners trust. When I'm with ONE person, that is the only person that has my heart and no one can change that. There is never an excuse to cheat in my opinion. If you're able to let opportunity control your loyalty, chances are you don't respect your significant other enough to be with them. If you're not happy with the person you're seeing, just leave. It's as simple as that. No one deserves to be played and when you betray someone, you shatter their trust and confidence. Why would you want to hurt someone like that? Don't do unto others what you don't want others to do unto you.
2. When In Doubt, Talk It Out
Being able to express yourself in a relationship is SO crucial, that is your main foundation for having and keeping the relationship on a healthy level. Some of us can express ourselves better than others and have more emotional intelligence than others. I for one struggle to express myself at times because I'm a very self-sufficient person, but I'm slowly learning to work on it and learning to be more in touch with my emotions. My parents have always told me that a relationship with no communication is a recipe for pure disaster and I fully agree with that. Ignoring one another or avoiding the issue is never a good idea and that will only lead to more anger and resentment in the end.
3. Honesty Is The Best Policy
Lying is never the answer. Be as honest as you can because one little lie can lead to many many problems and getting caught in a lie is never fun. If you want your relationship to be based on complete trust and freedom, lying won't get you there. If you have to lie to your significant other about where you are or who you're with, then maybe you should re-evaluate your relationship.
4. Respect Each Others Opinions And Beliefs
Everyone has their own way of thinking and their own opinions on certain matters. Your partner might like staying in on the weekends while you're more of a social butterfly and that's totally okay, there's nothing wrong with that. The key here is to COMPROMISE. Saturday can be the day you go out and Sunday can be the Netflix and chill day. That's a pretty fair and straightforward deal, right? By respecting each others wishes, you're creating a positive space between you and your partner and that will only lead to a stronger bond.
5. Be Your Own Person
Independence is not only essential in a relationship, but it gives you a sense of confidence and happiness. Being able to do your own thing with no limitations is an incredible feeling and allowing your partner to also do the same shows real maturity. You create your own happiness and you should never wait for someone to complete you. It is your responsibility to complete yourself. When you love yourself first, you allow your partner to appreciate you even more and chances are they'll be a lot more attracted to you because after all, confidence is sexy.
6. Don't Be Controlling
This one is important because we tend to get a little over protective of our partners and that's just human nature, but that can sometimes lead to controlling behavior whether we realize it or not. This type of behavior will push your partner away and it'll absolutely make your relationship crumble. There's a big difference between telling your partner "hey, I feel like I'm being put aside for your friends and it makes me feel like I'm not important" and "hey, I don't want you hanging out with your friends." Remember to pick your words wisely because it's not always what you say, but how you say it.
7. Be Yourself
Don't try to act like something you're not just to please the person you're with. If you don't like tattoos, don't get them just because your partner likes them. Your partner will love you for who you are, they're with you for a reason. No one is perfect and you shouldn't try to be perfect either. Instead, try to be the best version of yourself possible and that will mean a lot more to your partner in the end.
8. Think Before You React
In a moment of anger and rage, negative hurtful comments can be thrown to one another and that is obviously NOT the right way to settle things. Don't get me wrong, arguing in a relationship is extremely healthy and its inevitable, but it's HOW you react that matters. Your response can either make things better or worse. Saying things you don't mean can cause extreme resentment in the long run.
9. A Sense Of Humor Goes A Long Way
Laughing is the best medicine and if anyone knows anything about a sense of humor, its my dad. I grew up seeing my parents constantly laughing and having a good time. Life is too short to take everything so seriously, so lighten up and laugh your ass off with your partner whenever you can. It'll improve your communication and those inside jokes between the both of you creates a sense of intimacy. Couples who laugh together, last together.
10. Solidify A Friendship
This is definitely one of my favorite lessons of all. A relationship that is based on a friendship makes everything so much easier and that bond becomes unbreakable. When you know the person on a friendly level, your love for them will naturally be stronger and you'll be comfortable enough to act like a complete fool in front of them without any judgement. How great is it when you can wake up next to your best friend with messy hair and morning breath but still love the crap out of them?
So moral of the story is, relationships are difficult but its the little things that make it amazing and worthwhile. I'm still learning in my own relationship, I'm certainly not perfect but I know I do a damn good job at making my partner happy by just being myself. He makes me just as happy and not by showering me with expensive gifts or taking me out on expensive dates, but by showing me loyalty and respect. I'm thankful that I had my parents show me what a purely happy relationship entails because I've been able to apply all those things to my own.
A HUGE shoutout to my incredible mother and father, here's to you on your 35th wedding anniversary. Thank you for being the greatest role models xx